Suzie's Revenge

Pretty much, I hate Suzie. For real, pretty much I hate her. I hate her so much that I didn't even give her a fake German name on my blog.

Susanna- there are German chicks named Susanna.


So, a few days ago, Suzie thought it would be a great idea to dismantle my towel rack in the bathroom and throw it away, and then save the day by creating space for all of my towels on a bookshelf.

Okay- so I made time to go buy a replacement so that I could get my towels off the bookshelf and be rid of this lingering reminder of the manic insanity that slept across the hall from me for far too many nights.

So, I head out to one of those big box stores, and pick up lots of cool shit like detergent, and grab a bathroom storage rack. Well, the week has been hectic to say the least, and consequently, I have had a half-assembled bathroom storage rack on the floor of my bedroom for 4 nights and 5 days.

I'm headed out of town for a couple of weeks, and the last thing I want to see when I get home to drop off my bags is a fucking bathroom storage rack in the middle of my bedroom floor. So, I finally bit the bullet and just put the whole thing together. Only 2 screws were missing, so whatever. It's done.

Oh no! You can't put together a bathroom storage rack and just stick it over the toilet. No Ma'am. You've got that big fucking stability bar at the bottom preventing you from doing that.

So, I had to take that off, then place the rack over the toilet, and then hang out around the toilet to re-attach it. (Like reaching behind and underneath, and having my t-shirt brush up against the outside of the bowl, "hang out around the toilet." For those that don't know, I've got some dirt and germ phobias. I don't normally think of them as phobias, because they seem completely well-reasoned and rational to me. Uhm- germs are fucking gross and I don't want them on me whenever it can be avoided. But, I use the term phobia so that folks can appreciate just how strong my aversion to "dirt" actually is. Huh- maybe it is a substitute for neurotic handwashing?)

So there- reaching around the back of the toilet in tight spaces where screwdrivers don't completely reach; forcing you to use some creative maneuvering. There. I get this thing put together, and it's wobbly. Stable is nowhere in the list of descriptives. But, you know what- I just need somewhere to stick my towels. I can live with it.

So, I start unloading my towels, and it's laughable. This contraption only holds 4 towels. WHAT?!?!? Yes, 4 towels. And, what's worse is that there are these tiny little bars around each shelf. They're all bowed down under the weight of the towels. Concave accents? It looks ridiculous. It's not functional, and to buy another one means, hunting it down- comparison shopping, looking for *features*, then assembling it so that another t-shirt is gonna brush up against the toilet bowel. Plus, I still have to disassemble and return this one.

I have hundreds of dollars worth of useless shit in boxes or with tags still on it, because it's such a pain in the ass to return stuff. Waiting in line, explaining, having them "check it out" to see if they'll accept it, looking for a receipt, "store credit, we only offer store credit after 12 hours, "why didn't you bring it back right away then?" Meh! I've been wearing clothes that don't fit me to work, because after having them in my closet for 3 months I finally accepted that I wasn't going to return them. So, "I may as well get my money's worth" and wear clothes that don't fit me to work. (I think I'm a little bit retarded in that spot...)

Damn, crazy lady! You are really sticking it to me over here.