I'm Cuter Than Taylor Dane?

Huh. Not bad.

That was my first thought this morning. "Huh. I guess I'm cuter than Taylor Dane. Not bad." Then I rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom, realizing that I probably have lots of strange and interesting first waking thoughts. I considered keeping a journal to record them (for about .04 seconds) and then decided that would feel like far too much work for a few moments of, "Oh yeah...Ha! That was a funny one." Nah, plus I blog already- so it feels redundant.

Anyway, I'm cuter than Taylor Dane- maybe. 2 things led my sleeping mind to this conclusion whilst I dreamed of whatever I dreamed of. (I thought about a dream diary a couple of times too. Not gonna do that either.)

1. Taylor Dane's Music Producers Think She's Ugly

I was watching TD's video the other night when I was all jacked up on caffeine, and I noticed that the video's quality was kinda poor. Then I watched it again, and realized that the picture quality is fine at the beginning of the video; it's pixelated when the focus of the shot is TD's face. In fact, in some shots it looks like the only part of the screen that's pixelated is her face and hair as she moves across the screen. In the 90's I guess that could pass for, "Look at this cool digital effect!" but today it's pretty clear what's up when I paint you with stage/clown make-up, and blur the screen every time the viewer would focus on your face.

Out of curiosity, I decided to check out one of her other videos to see how she was handled. It's hilarious! They don't pixelate her, they cover her face with her hair for every shot! You don't get a full-on facial shot of TD, which is strange because she's a solo singer. In fact, there's one shot where it looks like they are bringing the camera in for a close-up, regular, standard shot of a solo singer's face in their music video when all of a sudden someone yells, "Hey boys! Back it up, her hair is is a bun, we can't turn on the fan!! Back it up!"

Her producer's think she's ugly. (-gasp-) How embarrassing for her. Also, if anyone out there knows TD, and she never realized this, point her to my blog so that she knows to be ashamed and feel bad, and then come to peace with it.


2. I'm currently ranked #1 in the Sexiness ranking among my friends on Facebook!

My current rank: #1
See my SEXY FRIENDS

Now let's be honest. This is a bit more sophomoric and juvenile and shallow and whatevaaah.... I'm number 1!!! Number 1 bitchezzzzzz!!!!!! And, I have some damn sexy friends. Not too many schleps. Like most human beings, I'm drawn to people that I find attractive, even just to hang out and go to the movies with. My friends are attractive. So, what does that mean? That's right, I'm attractive. Subjective assurances masked as objective verification, but it gets the job done.

So, here's the rub: I thought that this application ranked everyone as number one, and then displayed your friend's rankings. Uhh...nope. It's not the Special Olympics where everyone's a winner. I'm number one.

I don't know what that means. Most of my friends don't have the Sexiness application? Most of those that do are too progressive(?) to use it? I have no idea- all of that comparative attractiveness stuff gets really confusing really quickly.

But, what I can tell is that a tiny piece of my self-esteem has become attached to my current ranking. And, I will have to renegotiate these feelings if I fall to number two, or three, or God-forbid 11! (I wish there were some way to vote for yourself so that I could boost my ranking if I fell.) I can tell both that it's silly, and that it rubs up against my narcissism.

So, overnight my sleeping mind must have pulled together some thoughts and concerns, and offered me a comfort this morning. The unspoken context is, "Even if your Sexiness rating falls, and your ass stays flat, and your hairline keeps receding, and you get bad breath, and your piss starts to smell like ammonia, and ..." at least I'm cuter than Taylor Dane.