I don't know why I like it so much, I just know that I do.
It makes me laugh.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
It's Been A Long Time
I shouldn't have left you without a dope beat to step to. (I know Rakim says something different, but since 1988 I've thought that these would be better lyrics.)
So, I haven't been here in awhile. Why? Racism.
Sounds crazy, but succinct truth often is.
There are lots of things that I don't like about racism, but for today, here's just one:
I don't like the way that racism sets up Black people and hems us up in, damned if you do/damned if you don't situations, but when shit comes crashing in on us we get blamed for not having done something different.
Let's take a workplace scenario. Imagine that you are a super-smart black lesbian being managed by some white guys. Regardless of the position that you occupy, imagine that the manager senior to you is a white guy. (So far, this should be fairly easy.)
Now, let's add in that you are much smarter than your manager. I don't mean that you hate on your boss, but that you can track his reasoning, see the flaws and inefficiencies, and perform most, if not all, of his job functions better than he could. (Now, this may start to become a stretch until you remember that there is no dearth of white guys in senior-level positions that leave you wondering, "How the fuck did you get this job, but more importantly, why haven't you been fired?)
Now, here's where things get complicated. Your boss, the white guy, notices that you are hyper-competent, and starts giving you assignments and responsibilities that are his. In essence, he starts trying to get you to do his job. Unfortunately, this is often just the nature of business and promoting people beyond their ceiling of competence, but here is where racism makes things complicated, because you may already be in a no-win situation.
You have a senior-level white guy relying on a subordinate black person to perform aspects of his job that he can't perform. Sounds like the makings of a set-up. Initially, they are small tasks, but as you are successful, the significance and import of the tasks is ratcheted up. And, when you have an incompetent manager, these are not projects that you collaborate on, you are completing these projects for them. So, what does that mean? It means that your success is not a bridge to advancement and recognition, but rather an ever-widening exposure to increased exploitation. That's the alignment that racism is seeking; a white superior taking full credit for the accomplishments of a black subordinate.
But, here's the rub. Your boss resents that you can accomplish things that he can't, and that's a problem.
So, here's the trap:
So, I haven't been here in awhile. Why? Racism.
Sounds crazy, but succinct truth often is.
There are lots of things that I don't like about racism, but for today, here's just one:
I don't like the way that racism sets up Black people and hems us up in, damned if you do/damned if you don't situations, but when shit comes crashing in on us we get blamed for not having done something different.
Let's take a workplace scenario. Imagine that you are a super-smart black lesbian being managed by some white guys. Regardless of the position that you occupy, imagine that the manager senior to you is a white guy. (So far, this should be fairly easy.)
Now, let's add in that you are much smarter than your manager. I don't mean that you hate on your boss, but that you can track his reasoning, see the flaws and inefficiencies, and perform most, if not all, of his job functions better than he could. (Now, this may start to become a stretch until you remember that there is no dearth of white guys in senior-level positions that leave you wondering, "How the fuck did you get this job, but more importantly, why haven't you been fired?)
Now, here's where things get complicated. Your boss, the white guy, notices that you are hyper-competent, and starts giving you assignments and responsibilities that are his. In essence, he starts trying to get you to do his job. Unfortunately, this is often just the nature of business and promoting people beyond their ceiling of competence, but here is where racism makes things complicated, because you may already be in a no-win situation.
You have a senior-level white guy relying on a subordinate black person to perform aspects of his job that he can't perform. Sounds like the makings of a set-up. Initially, they are small tasks, but as you are successful, the significance and import of the tasks is ratcheted up. And, when you have an incompetent manager, these are not projects that you collaborate on, you are completing these projects for them. So, what does that mean? It means that your success is not a bridge to advancement and recognition, but rather an ever-widening exposure to increased exploitation. That's the alignment that racism is seeking; a white superior taking full credit for the accomplishments of a black subordinate.
But, here's the rub. Your boss resents that you can accomplish things that he can't, and that's a problem.
So, here's the trap:
1.) You complete the project.
You do it well. And, you exceed expectations. You now have a boss who is glad that their work is done, is pissed that you were able to do it, and becomes hypercritical of your other efforts. It shows up as unnecessary resistance and obstinance; seemingly out of nowhere. Just needing to assert their dominance (over the person that they told to do their job for them).
2.) You don't complete the project.
Denied the resources and support required to complete a project beyond your pay-grade, as no one is suppose to know that you are doing it, you do not successfully complete the project. Oh! Hell to pay!! The response from your boss is resentment on steroids.
3.) You refuse the project.
After some of 1, and the beginning of 2, I thought that declining a project was in my best interest (wrong!). It seemed to me that highlighting how much other work I had to do, and that the project didn't seem like a good fit, and politely declining would be a super-smart way to get out of this cycle. Wrong. This path seems to bring more hostility that 1 and 2 combined. I actually had my manager say to me, "I did not ask you to take on this project, and it was unprofessional for you to attempt to do so. However, now that you are not going to do it, could you please explain to me exactly what you would have done, because I don't know how to do it."
Essentially, my white manager asked me to do his boss' (a black woman) job for our division, and when he started to catch heat over what I was doing he lied, said that he had no idea why but he would "take care of it," reprimanded me, and then asked me to explain to him how to do it. (My mind is still reeling from that one!)
So, there is much more that could be said here, and lots of open ideas that have yet to be explicated, but my brain is just tired. Maybe I'll come back to it.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Blogette IX
Went to a party.
A gay guy invited me to take a shower with him.
Does he think I'm sexy or stinky?
Is that the gay man's equivalent of offering someone a stick of gum, or a tic-tac?
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Dreams Into Reality
"Why weren't we able to transform our dreams into reality? Why didn't we succeed in creating a society where everyone could be free and fulfilled? Who is to blame?"
It's a partial quote from the first installment of Pandora's Box, an Adam Curtis series I was checking out this morning. Some of his messaging I think is a little off, but let's be honest here: Pretty much, I ride Adam Curtis' jock.
So, this quote came at the end of a 1-hour documentary on the establishment of a socialist state in the soviet republic, and the scientific approach with which it was engineered, justified, and instituted.
I remember learning a long time ago that our republican representative democratic style of governance, as well as more communal socialist governance epitomized by the USSR were both born of the ashes of the French Revolution. It was a point that the prof. made in passing on his way to a larger conclusion about fratricide en route to genocide, so I didn't go back and ask for discussion about a precept of his argument, which actually was more of an aside. But I was motivated to learn about the French Revolution, and the basis for determining how a nation is to be run when a failing economy leads to a violent revolution, precluding monarchies from being a viable option. Rule by corporate oligarchies?
Public governance seems to follow this pattern of concentrating determinative power in the hands of an elite who, based on paternalism, malevolence, greed, righteous indignation, or charisma or some shit, make decisions for/on behalf of/informed by the general populace.
Over time these structures become more recalcitrant, and less accountable to those whom they govern. Seems that part of this process is the cabal of leaders "learning" that, if left to their own devices, the people would not necessarily act in their own best self-interest, and therefore need their leaders to make decisions for them which are difficult and unpopular. (This is long before corruption sets in; this is still assuming that leaders are trying to lead toward the betterment of society.)
So, fast forward a few years, a few hundred years, of a few thousand years, and there will be an uprising and an overthrow as The People demand justice in the form of a more representative governing structure.
Pure democracy is too unwieldy and inefficient for so many reasons, and representative leaders emerge, and the whole process begins anew. I think all of public governance, at least at the national level, can be reduced to a small group of people making decisions for a population that they would/could not make for themselves.
So, "Why weren't we able to transform our dreams into reality? Why didn't we succeed in creating a society where everyone could be free and fulfilled? Who is to blame?" No one. It's a mirage that we are destined to chase; a dream indefinitely deferred. We are driven to institute a governing body which maximizes social welfare for all of its citizens. But, as the scale of the economy grows, it becomes less probable until it hits impossible.
In fact, I'm just now realizing that the demands of effective governance often run contrary to meeting the needs/wants/desires of The People. The demands of "effective governance" require that leaders maintain control and subjugation of the people, even when leaders act against the will of The People. This requires controlling a people who initiated a campaign to become free.
It's a partial quote from the first installment of Pandora's Box, an Adam Curtis series I was checking out this morning. Some of his messaging I think is a little off, but let's be honest here: Pretty much, I ride Adam Curtis' jock.
So, this quote came at the end of a 1-hour documentary on the establishment of a socialist state in the soviet republic, and the scientific approach with which it was engineered, justified, and instituted.
I remember learning a long time ago that our republican representative democratic style of governance, as well as more communal socialist governance epitomized by the USSR were both born of the ashes of the French Revolution. It was a point that the prof. made in passing on his way to a larger conclusion about fratricide en route to genocide, so I didn't go back and ask for discussion about a precept of his argument, which actually was more of an aside. But I was motivated to learn about the French Revolution, and the basis for determining how a nation is to be run when a failing economy leads to a violent revolution, precluding monarchies from being a viable option. Rule by corporate oligarchies?
Public governance seems to follow this pattern of concentrating determinative power in the hands of an elite who, based on paternalism, malevolence, greed, righteous indignation, or charisma or some shit, make decisions for/on behalf of/informed by the general populace.
Over time these structures become more recalcitrant, and less accountable to those whom they govern. Seems that part of this process is the cabal of leaders "learning" that, if left to their own devices, the people would not necessarily act in their own best self-interest, and therefore need their leaders to make decisions for them which are difficult and unpopular. (This is long before corruption sets in; this is still assuming that leaders are trying to lead toward the betterment of society.)
So, fast forward a few years, a few hundred years, of a few thousand years, and there will be an uprising and an overthrow as The People demand justice in the form of a more representative governing structure.
Pure democracy is too unwieldy and inefficient for so many reasons, and representative leaders emerge, and the whole process begins anew. I think all of public governance, at least at the national level, can be reduced to a small group of people making decisions for a population that they would/could not make for themselves.
So, "Why weren't we able to transform our dreams into reality? Why didn't we succeed in creating a society where everyone could be free and fulfilled? Who is to blame?" No one. It's a mirage that we are destined to chase; a dream indefinitely deferred. We are driven to institute a governing body which maximizes social welfare for all of its citizens. But, as the scale of the economy grows, it becomes less probable until it hits impossible.
In fact, I'm just now realizing that the demands of effective governance often run contrary to meeting the needs/wants/desires of The People. The demands of "effective governance" require that leaders maintain control and subjugation of the people, even when leaders act against the will of The People. This requires controlling a people who initiated a campaign to become free.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Home!
I finally made it home this morning. I think around 11. I set up a trip with some friends to go to a natural rockslide that empties into a waterfall. That's the kinda shit my weary soul could use right now.
The upside to coming back this morning was that I got to see one of my favorite people in the airport on her way out of town. So, I walked to her gate with her, and hung out while she waited for her flight. It felt very 70's, and it made me resent all of these security measures that mean you can't wait with loved ones and watch their plane takeoff anymore. I miss that.
I wasn't very good company. I didn't feel much like talking, or listening for that matter. I really just was excited to hang out and spend time with her, but I noticed that she seemed to be trying kinda hard to keep the chat up. It's gotta be confusing with someone who doesn't feel like talking or listening for more than 8 second spurts.
What's the non-creepy/non-sexual way to say to someone, "You don't have to do any work. I really just like being here with you."? I think I'll be a better woman when I can figure that one out. I can probably figure it out when I'm back to full brain capacity, rather than emergency reserve. I don't think anything is working except my brain stem right now; breathing, heart-beat, find food. Shit like that.
So, I got home, made a couple of calls, and then went down for a nap. I only woke up because I'm starving hungry.
I was so exhausted that I think a part of my being fused with the bed. Like, if you brought in some of that Ghostbusters II equipment, some kind of spectrometer, and did a reading of my mattress after I left the house you would pick up some of my lifeforce.
"Binkman," (is that his name? I think so.)"You're not going to believe this! I know I'm looking at a mattress in an empty room, but the reading says that there is an exhausted Black woman right in front of me. What should we do?"
The upside to coming back this morning was that I got to see one of my favorite people in the airport on her way out of town. So, I walked to her gate with her, and hung out while she waited for her flight. It felt very 70's, and it made me resent all of these security measures that mean you can't wait with loved ones and watch their plane takeoff anymore. I miss that.
I wasn't very good company. I didn't feel much like talking, or listening for that matter. I really just was excited to hang out and spend time with her, but I noticed that she seemed to be trying kinda hard to keep the chat up. It's gotta be confusing with someone who doesn't feel like talking or listening for more than 8 second spurts.
What's the non-creepy/non-sexual way to say to someone, "You don't have to do any work. I really just like being here with you."? I think I'll be a better woman when I can figure that one out. I can probably figure it out when I'm back to full brain capacity, rather than emergency reserve. I don't think anything is working except my brain stem right now; breathing, heart-beat, find food. Shit like that.
So, I got home, made a couple of calls, and then went down for a nap. I only woke up because I'm starving hungry.
I was so exhausted that I think a part of my being fused with the bed. Like, if you brought in some of that Ghostbusters II equipment, some kind of spectrometer, and did a reading of my mattress after I left the house you would pick up some of my lifeforce.
"Binkman," (is that his name? I think so.)"You're not going to believe this! I know I'm looking at a mattress in an empty room, but the reading says that there is an exhausted Black woman right in front of me. What should we do?"
Monday, June 2, 2008
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
It's stuck in my head.
I'm stuck at an airport. An appropriate bookend to this trip. On the last, and unnecessary (let's fly you south to then fly you north so that your ticket is a couple hundred dollars cheaper) leg of my journey home, I spent hours on the plane.
I spent more time on the plane waiting than I spent in the air flying.
I sat there while they had a mechanic trying to fix some problem that was "only going to delay us 5 minutes." After an hour, we had to get off. The airline had to get another plane, so we waited. We waited a long time, and then they found one that for some reason had to park on the other side of the airport. So, we stopped waiting, and started walking. We started walking really fast, because "we didn't have much time" before the new plane boarded.
So, we got on that plane and a curious thing happened. We started waiting again. A long time. As it turns out, if we had taken off on that plane, the landing gear wouldn't have come down, and that would have been a problem. (Or so they say.)
Well, I had a connecting flight. After a few hours and changing planes, and waiting inside the airport, only to move and wait inside the plane, a smart girl like me starts to thinkin!
"Uhm- excuse me sir. Since I'm missing my connecting flight due to all this engine failure/mechanical failure shenanigans, can we just skip the flight south only to fly back north and stick me on a flight straight home?"
He said no problem, except that I checked a bag. And, since I'm changing carriers in Florida, I'll have to go get my bag off of the claim belt and recheck it with the new carrier.
"Are you sure about that? I think that they checked my bag through to the final destination."
I asked a couple of times. I asked a couple of people. Same answer, same justification.
So, I thought, "Well damn! Good thing this happened, because I never knew that I had to transfer my bag myself." So, I got down to Florida just in time to get down to the baggage claim, and wait for a long ass time, only to find that I had no bag, and no one could tell me where it was.
The last flight out had departed 2 hours ago, and the woman working the luggage service office had the attitude of someone who had endured 8 hours of people yelling at her, and she was ready to go home. My problem was not her problem, and she tried to explain to me why the airline wasn't at fault, and they wouldn't do anything for me.
Do white people endure weeks like this? I mean really, if I hadn't gone to seminary and worked through the meaning of life, love, pain, and the limitations of our perceptions, I would be completely embittered and maybe in jail for having concocted some "Burn Baby Burn!!" scheme. Either that or I would have just kirked out one day, and the shit would have ended in tragedy.
Seminary and the God-shit really smoothed me out. And now? A bitch is just too damn old to be goin to jail on some bullshit. More than once muthafukas have called security on my Black ass!
So, I've had to learn/am still learning that I need to talk to people in a way that gets me what I want. I don't need this lady in luggage services to know how angry and frustrated I am. I don't need her to know what I think of her and this whole situation. What I need is a room. So, I figured out how to talk to her so that I got a room and a couple of meal vouchers.
Now, to be clear, this trick-ass bitch didn't do shit for me that she wasn't suppose to do. Nothing. I got what was coming to me. But, what I got was far more than she wanted to give me when I walked in at 8:50 pm, and all of the folks who would have otherwise helped me were gone for the evening.
I got a room. I got Florida sushi for dinner, which was delicious, and about the best thing I've had in the last 4 days. My room is right down the hall from the gym, so I'm gonna go run off this frustration/excess energy.
Oh, and my bag? I'm looking at it right now. The new carrier had it. It was checked through to my final destination. They had to pull it off the plane.
I'm stuck at an airport. An appropriate bookend to this trip. On the last, and unnecessary (let's fly you south to then fly you north so that your ticket is a couple hundred dollars cheaper) leg of my journey home, I spent hours on the plane.
I spent more time on the plane waiting than I spent in the air flying.
I sat there while they had a mechanic trying to fix some problem that was "only going to delay us 5 minutes." After an hour, we had to get off. The airline had to get another plane, so we waited. We waited a long time, and then they found one that for some reason had to park on the other side of the airport. So, we stopped waiting, and started walking. We started walking really fast, because "we didn't have much time" before the new plane boarded.
So, we got on that plane and a curious thing happened. We started waiting again. A long time. As it turns out, if we had taken off on that plane, the landing gear wouldn't have come down, and that would have been a problem. (Or so they say.)
Well, I had a connecting flight. After a few hours and changing planes, and waiting inside the airport, only to move and wait inside the plane, a smart girl like me starts to thinkin!
"Uhm- excuse me sir. Since I'm missing my connecting flight due to all this engine failure/mechanical failure shenanigans, can we just skip the flight south only to fly back north and stick me on a flight straight home?"
He said no problem, except that I checked a bag. And, since I'm changing carriers in Florida, I'll have to go get my bag off of the claim belt and recheck it with the new carrier.
"Are you sure about that? I think that they checked my bag through to the final destination."
I asked a couple of times. I asked a couple of people. Same answer, same justification.
So, I thought, "Well damn! Good thing this happened, because I never knew that I had to transfer my bag myself." So, I got down to Florida just in time to get down to the baggage claim, and wait for a long ass time, only to find that I had no bag, and no one could tell me where it was.
The last flight out had departed 2 hours ago, and the woman working the luggage service office had the attitude of someone who had endured 8 hours of people yelling at her, and she was ready to go home. My problem was not her problem, and she tried to explain to me why the airline wasn't at fault, and they wouldn't do anything for me.
Do white people endure weeks like this? I mean really, if I hadn't gone to seminary and worked through the meaning of life, love, pain, and the limitations of our perceptions, I would be completely embittered and maybe in jail for having concocted some "Burn Baby Burn!!" scheme. Either that or I would have just kirked out one day, and the shit would have ended in tragedy.
Seminary and the God-shit really smoothed me out. And now? A bitch is just too damn old to be goin to jail on some bullshit. More than once muthafukas have called security on my Black ass!
So, I've had to learn/am still learning that I need to talk to people in a way that gets me what I want. I don't need this lady in luggage services to know how angry and frustrated I am. I don't need her to know what I think of her and this whole situation. What I need is a room. So, I figured out how to talk to her so that I got a room and a couple of meal vouchers.
Now, to be clear, this trick-ass bitch didn't do shit for me that she wasn't suppose to do. Nothing. I got what was coming to me. But, what I got was far more than she wanted to give me when I walked in at 8:50 pm, and all of the folks who would have otherwise helped me were gone for the evening.
I got a room. I got Florida sushi for dinner, which was delicious, and about the best thing I've had in the last 4 days. My room is right down the hall from the gym, so I'm gonna go run off this frustration/excess energy.
Oh, and my bag? I'm looking at it right now. The new carrier had it. It was checked through to my final destination. They had to pull it off the plane.
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