Uhm...

I don't want to read a book with moldy pages.

I don't even want to touch it!

Won't I die from inhaling the spores or something? I think I saw that on the Discovery Channel.

My Weekend:

This needs to be recorded somewhere so that I can look back years from now and, with help, piece together where my sanity went.

So, this weekend? I went to a conference. Perhaps better said, I decided not to go to a conference because I had pressing deadlines that I may not meet, so I decided to stay. Then was told that the demands on my time would be reduced to accommodate my needs, so with an hour's notice I came home packed up my shit (by "shit" I mean most, but certainly not all of what I needed for weekend. Small things like a change of clothes escaped me... I had two pairs of pants though!) and hoped in a car to ride out for 5 hours.

Now, riding in a car for five hours isn't really a big deal, because you can just read the whole way there, so no time lost, right? Guess who suddenly developed reading-specific car sickness? WTF?!? Now? Really? Now? -sigh-

So, then I went to the conference, learned that there were still some expectations on my time that I didn't realize, including a "quick" dinner that stretched into 4 hours...

So, I managed to read and review 6 articles, write 15 pages of a paper, and I still have the energy to scan the 200 pages that we're discussing in seminar tomorrow morning (I managed to leave that book at home!)

Oh, and that book, the one on the chair next to me. I thought I would save money by checking it out from the library rather than buying it. Apparently, it has seen so little circulation over the last 50 years that it has mold growing up its pages.

Sometimes, all you can do is laugh.

Life is good.

Things I Learned in College (or at the University?)

1.) Women in the sciences have small breasts. I don't know why it is, I just know that it is. Women in the sciences that require them to do math and work with equations all day long- small breasts. I think it's a developmental capacity problem. During during pubescent stages, our pituitary gland can either funnel breast fat production, or the complex neural networks required for higher order math computations. I do not fully understand the causal relationship, I just know that women in the sciences have small breasts. Every now and again you may see an undergrad with large breasts. She won't last.

2.) If you go to a college on a hill, all of the women on campus will have enormous and well defined thighs. I thought I was a badass by riding a bike up a hill. Nope. The requirements of having to walk up and down hills to get across campus makes these women all look like the 4x1 alternates for the Olympics.

3.) Women who wear Tevas have low self-esteem. Again, I don't know the causal link here; can't tell you why. But, in 2008, any woman walking around with Teva sandals on is telling you that she feels bad about herself on the inside, especially if they are so worn along the heels that the shoe leans. The lesby-savvy woman may have moved on to some variant of Keen or Merrel, but a woman walking around today in Tevas. Low self-esteem. All of them.

Now that that's settled, hopefully I can get something done on this fucking paper!!

Thanks Amazon, I Think.

I just got an e-mail from Amazon. I didn't realize that they did that.

They had some recommendations for me.

and a book on economics.

OMG! You're worse than my dad, Amazon! I'll dress better and figure out how to make money. Christ!

Black Republicans

I'm not one. But, I was amused by how many I saw during Palin's speech. Well, I saw one. But, I saw him over and over again! Then at the end I saw the other one in the dome. I was most amused by the Black man who was all geeked up over the country music entertainment that followed her speech.

More could be said, but it's the same old same old.

(I think that she looks a little like Tina Fey.)

7 Glorious Days!

I'm no fan of alternate side parking. No fan! As a student living on 5 figures (it's in the teens, but it's a solid 5), I prefer to drive as little as possible. For now, I like to ride my bike; later it will have to be public trans.

What that means though is that I'm tied to my car, as though it's a weight around my neck. Every day at 6pm I need to move my car from one side of the street to the other. Even days of the week you park on the east side of the street, and odd days you park on the west side. You certainly don't have to move your car, you can just pay the tickets and pick your car up from the impound lot.

But, for seven days, seven glorious days, I don't have to dance this dance. Seven days during the year; those months with 31 days I don't have to rush home and move my car!! As the 31st becomes the 1st we have an odd day becoming another odd day. Thank you, Ashref!

Southern

You can't be serious. Are you serious? Are you using "Southern" pejoratively, as though it were a slur? Are you serious? You have disdain for Southerners? REALLY?

That is so absurd. Why? Why do people think Southerners are... whatever the hell they think we are? No one yet has said what it is; the source and nature of the frustration is implied through the sardonic tone. I mean "Southern" is dripping with disdain as it rolls off the lips of folks up here. It's quite curious. There is no need to elaborate, or to specify what the nature of your frustration is; your listener simply infers exactly what you mean by saying Southern.

"I'm so frustrated with my insurance company. I called in about a claim, and I had to deal with this Southern woman!"

"Ugh!"

What the fuck are you people talking about? I'm serious, not indignant. What the fuck are you talking about? Are you thinking that Southerners are dumb? Do we speak with an accent that is hard to understand? Do we appear uninterested in moving with the efficiency that you want when you want your problems resolved the way you want them resolved, particularly when you're frustrated?

So, was this call center worker unable to solve your complex problem, and only capable of giving you scripted responses? What does being Southern have to do with anything? I'm not being pedantic, I really don't get it.

I mean, that may be because I'm a Southerner, but not because Southerners are dumb, but because this is a new experience to live somewhere that disdain for the South permeates the culture. It's brand new to live with this. It's a real oddity. And, when I tell people that I'm Southern, perhaps with my nondescript atypical "Southern" accent, they expect me to accept an invitation to disparage the South.

It's the craziest shit!

So, being reasonable, and "fair" with their prejudice:

What is there to dislike about the South? Racial prejudice? Oooh, honeychile! Folks above the Mason-Dixon line have NOT figured out racism. They are just as constrained by white guilt, blackaphobia, and a willingness to economically and legislatively segregate people of color. White folks in America are comfortable with some really heinous racist shit. The South has no monopoly on the absurdities of interpersonal and institutional racism. So, that's kinda dumb.

I don't think that Southerners are dumb. But, moreover, I don't think that Northerners are impressively intelligent. We're all about the same; kinda average. So, that's not it.

My best guess is that the disdain stems from the cultural distinctions that arise from an agrarian-based society versus and industry-based society, accumulated over generations of time and progress. We are culturally distinct. I think the agrarian basis of Southern life, as well as the oppressive heat that meant a pace of life that enabled you to slow down enough to notice and connect with other human beings- simply because it's good to slow down and connect with other human beings, has meant that Southerners have been able to hold onto our humanity in a way that industrialization and efficiency/productivity have droned out of Northerners.

We have porches!! We sit on them and expect other people to pass time with us. We say "hello" to people, even as we drive by in our cars. They may be people that we've never seen in our neighborhood before. The response is the same, slow down the car slightly and wave hello.

What is there to dislike about Southerners? Oh! Also, I've learned that many folks up here have never been to the South. Are you serious!?! Yeah- never been there.

So, what you know of the South is from the rehearsal of prejudice, and what you see on TV? It's like living in Germany and asking young people why they had prejudices against African-Americans.

"They're violent."

"What makes you think we are violent?"

"Boyz in the Hood."

"This is not a conversation worth having..."

Am I Adopted?

I have just decided that I am addicted to banana peppers and feta cheese. Banana peppers I've snacked on for a long time, but feta? I haven't had need to have it in my house until this week. I NEED feta! I think it goes well with anything:

• Boca Burger
• Chicken Patty
• Omelet
• Sausage & Peppers
• Chicken Salads
• Soups

The list goes on ad infinitum! No one in my family likes either banana peppers or feta cheese. Makes me wonder if I'm adopted. I know that when we are fetuses en utero (in utero?) that we can taste the spices and seasonings of the foods that our mothers eat. One of the postulated benefits to this is that we develop a preference for the foods that our mother's eat (or those in the environment in which we will most likely live) before we are even born.

No one even in my extended family likes these staples of good eatery. I think I may be adopted.

Now, I possess the capacity to go on and build the strength of this argument, and move it into something that may even be plausible. However, I realize that at it's heart arguing that I may be adopted because of my addiction to foods that the rest of my family doesn't eat is just about as plausible as, "Nobody else in my family seems to be a crack fiend... Hmm... You think I'm adopted?"

Mostly though, I'm just procrastinating, and taking a break from the grueling rigors of shit I don't want to read.

Back at it!!

I'm Insured!!!!

I got health insurance today!!!

Ooo yeah! ooOH yeah!

Now I can finally go to the doctor to make sure that I'm not dying of cancer. I don't think I am. i mean, I don't feel at all cancery, but I've got a "rapid proliferation of cells" that's got me nervous. I learned that phrase in Freshman biology; it makes cancer so much more discussable.

"We'll ma'am, you have some fast-growing cells... well, also, they may kill you."

I really hope that once I go to the doctor and find out that I'm not dying in 6-8 months that I'll be able to sleep better at night. Cuz uhm- these school demands are already kinda kicking my ass.

Wondering if you're dying must certainly take its toll on your energy and attention reserves, no?

Well, back to learning about the limitations inherent in public education systems...

Sometimes I Think I Feel Lonely

And, I may in fact be lonely from time to time. But, this loneliness is new. I woke up this morning and felt utterly alone, as though I hadn't seen people in weeks; holed up in some office reading papers and writing my responses to them for class discussions.

But, the reality is that I have seen people. And, not just in my classes either. In the last two weeks, I've gone out dancing 4 times (with different groups of people each time). I've gone to three different BBQ's. I had dinner with a couple of people. In fact, I missed a dinner because i was studying and forgot about the time, so without my phone- I no showed. And, I've turned down several coffee invitations, a couple of offers for meals, and I've met a ton of people that I like. I even went to a street festival and met a woman that I thought was attractive.

So, I'm not devoid of human contact, not even purely social contact. I'm surprised by just how easy it has been to meet and connect with people; even "important" people. But, sometimes I get this abyss of loneliness that engulfs my heart; it's a desperation to be with and around people.

I realized just now that it's not actually loneliness, it's the expectation of loneliness. I have a TON of reading to do, and the one word that I have heard more than "the" is "isolation" in characterizing the graduate experience. Ph.D. students are isolated!!!

So, when I'm faced with a mound of reading that I don't want to tear into, like someone's thinking about someone else's perspectives, on some other guy's criticism, of an interpretation of a philosophy from 1652, as that impacts some social construction in 1852- uhm YAWN!

So, a pit of despair surfaces as though it actually characterizes my existence. It doesn't. But when it surfaces, I take on the expectation that this is what graduate school is like, and from this moment forward I will be totally and utterly alone. The reality is that I just met 5 or 6 people today that I'm excited about getting to know better, including a pretentious med student who is gonna be my roller blading buddy. The fact is that I'm not lonely. I just don't want to read this shit.

Well, back to it...