Things I Learned in College (or at the University?)

1.) Women in the sciences have small breasts. I don't know why it is, I just know that it is. Women in the sciences that require them to do math and work with equations all day long- small breasts. I think it's a developmental capacity problem. During during pubescent stages, our pituitary gland can either funnel breast fat production, or the complex neural networks required for higher order math computations. I do not fully understand the causal relationship, I just know that women in the sciences have small breasts. Every now and again you may see an undergrad with large breasts. She won't last.

2.) If you go to a college on a hill, all of the women on campus will have enormous and well defined thighs. I thought I was a badass by riding a bike up a hill. Nope. The requirements of having to walk up and down hills to get across campus makes these women all look like the 4x1 alternates for the Olympics.

3.) Women who wear Tevas have low self-esteem. Again, I don't know the causal link here; can't tell you why. But, in 2008, any woman walking around with Teva sandals on is telling you that she feels bad about herself on the inside, especially if they are so worn along the heels that the shoe leans. The lesby-savvy woman may have moved on to some variant of Keen or Merrel, but a woman walking around today in Tevas. Low self-esteem. All of them.

Now that that's settled, hopefully I can get something done on this fucking paper!!