so, i brush my teeth a lot. maybe a bit too, much (after every meal) a lot. i floss and brush my tongue, and rinse with mouthwash too. the whole sh'bang, a lot.
it's not a neurotic substitute for hand-washing; i chipped a molar, and after the dentist fixed me up i had an extra space that feels like it just catches any food particles in my mouth and thrusts them into my gums. i'm talking about with ford factory automation, assembly-line singularity of purpose: ram anything i eat into my gums!
so, i started carrying floss. then, after flossing, and loosening up all that plaque- i really would like to brush that crap out of my mouth. and since i've flossed and brushed, i may as well rinse with some mouthwash.
so, folks at work like to joke with me as i carry my handful of travel size oral hygiene products to the bathroom several times a day. when you see someone with this setup on the counter, even if it were for the first time, you know they are going to be there for awhile.
This has happened twice:
Bathroom Entrant: "Hey Argyle, girl are you in here brushing your teeth again? Blah, blah, blah."
Me: "Yeah, gotta keep it tidy. Especially since I'm all cute in the face."
Bathroom Entrant: "Ha ha ha, Blah, blah, blah" (Walks past me to enter the stall.)
[Then there's some paper rustling (seat cover positioning?), followed by extended silence]
Now, let me insert here that somewhere around middle school girls learn that we shouldn't make any noise in the bathroom. I can't tell you how many times I walked into the bathroom in middle school to dead silence, but all the stalls were full. Why? Because it's immodest to have someone hear our pee sound. So, how do we handle that? Pee so that your stream hits the side of the bowl, of course. There are few things as humiliating as being the only one making a pee sound in a bathroom full of other jr. high school girls.
So, her silence? Maybe just middle school vestiges. I learned that in a department with lots of older women, they prefer to pull down the paper seat cover, rather than hoover slightly. Weak quadriceps?
But, then it started...
Bathroom Entrant: [grunt]
Me: (thought bubble, "Whatthe fuck?!?)
-pause-
Bathroom Entrant: [grunt]
Me: This bitch knows I'm in here, talked to me on the way in, remarked about my brushing my teeth, and proceeds to pick a stall to take a shit?!?!? Where the fuck were you raised, Azerbaijan??? What the hell kinda shit is that? I don't even make a pee sound, and you are taking a grunting shit with me right around the corner brushing my teeth. A grunting shit?
Maybe feminism, and women's lib is fucking us up. Back to patriarchy, and repeal the advances of the women's suffragist movement. This bitch is getting too comfortable with me. Stop her from being able to go to school and pursue employment on the muthafuckin floor that I work on.
Shit, shackle my ass to a damn cotton-gin! This bitch just talked to me and then proceeded to take a grunting shit knowing that I'm still in here brushing my teeth!
Uhm- there are about 40 bathrooms in this building. Have some decency, lady! Go take a shit on the 12th floor. That's what I do.
it's not a neurotic substitute for hand-washing; i chipped a molar, and after the dentist fixed me up i had an extra space that feels like it just catches any food particles in my mouth and thrusts them into my gums. i'm talking about with ford factory automation, assembly-line singularity of purpose: ram anything i eat into my gums!
so, i started carrying floss. then, after flossing, and loosening up all that plaque- i really would like to brush that crap out of my mouth. and since i've flossed and brushed, i may as well rinse with some mouthwash.
so, folks at work like to joke with me as i carry my handful of travel size oral hygiene products to the bathroom several times a day. when you see someone with this setup on the counter, even if it were for the first time, you know they are going to be there for awhile.
This has happened twice:
Bathroom Entrant: "Hey Argyle, girl are you in here brushing your teeth again? Blah, blah, blah."
Me: "Yeah, gotta keep it tidy. Especially since I'm all cute in the face."
Bathroom Entrant: "Ha ha ha, Blah, blah, blah" (Walks past me to enter the stall.)
[Then there's some paper rustling (seat cover positioning?), followed by extended silence]
Now, let me insert here that somewhere around middle school girls learn that we shouldn't make any noise in the bathroom. I can't tell you how many times I walked into the bathroom in middle school to dead silence, but all the stalls were full. Why? Because it's immodest to have someone hear our pee sound. So, how do we handle that? Pee so that your stream hits the side of the bowl, of course. There are few things as humiliating as being the only one making a pee sound in a bathroom full of other jr. high school girls.
So, her silence? Maybe just middle school vestiges. I learned that in a department with lots of older women, they prefer to pull down the paper seat cover, rather than hoover slightly. Weak quadriceps?
But, then it started...
Bathroom Entrant: [grunt]
Me: (thought bubble, "Whatthe fuck?!?)
-pause-
Bathroom Entrant: [grunt]
Me: This bitch knows I'm in here, talked to me on the way in, remarked about my brushing my teeth, and proceeds to pick a stall to take a shit?!?!? Where the fuck were you raised, Azerbaijan??? What the hell kinda shit is that? I don't even make a pee sound, and you are taking a grunting shit with me right around the corner brushing my teeth. A grunting shit?
Maybe feminism, and women's lib is fucking us up. Back to patriarchy, and repeal the advances of the women's suffragist movement. This bitch is getting too comfortable with me. Stop her from being able to go to school and pursue employment on the muthafuckin floor that I work on.
Shit, shackle my ass to a damn cotton-gin! This bitch just talked to me and then proceeded to take a grunting shit knowing that I'm still in here brushing my teeth!
Uhm- there are about 40 bathrooms in this building. Have some decency, lady! Go take a shit on the 12th floor. That's what I do.
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