Finally, Finally, Thank you Baby Jesus, Finally!!! I have finished my research paper. Well, except for going back and finding the sources that go along with my footnotes- but no more hunting down comma splices, no more collapsing run-on sentences, no more fucking redaction! FIN!
So, here is an excerpt from my tortured brain trying to wrap itself around federal budget reform through the lens of chaos theory.
The OYG method is employed in markets with unstable periodicity when multiple factors of influence, particularly those which are beyond the bank’s control, are contributing to the “randomness” of output. In this instance, an administrator would determine which system parameters are within its control, and manipulate them in relation to intended outcomes. OYG is the PBB of chaos theory, in which administrators measure the correlation between their various inputs and intended outcomes; allocating toward an identified goal, while recognizing that many factors, such as economic shifts, changes in executive funding priorities, and fluctuating public preferences will also impact the budget and its outcomes.[1]
DFG assumes endogenous control of outcome fluctuations in continuous systems.[2] At regular intervals, measurements are taken to determine the corrective course of action to be taken, if any. These corrective actions may include increasing or decreasing spending, or allocating dollars to a completely different initiative. PART analysis may be understood as a tool of DFG, as analyses occur at regular periods, and outcomes are measured against program funding levels. Regular feedback across time is an integral component of successful reform within a complex and chaotic system.[3]
I don't know why I made it so hard on myself. Honestly, there was no need for the chaos theory filter, or "hermeneutic" as many people around me once were fond of saying. I think I have this Black Intellectual proclivity to continue to heap conceptual weights upon myself until my poor little brain legs are wobbly and can barely stand- ahhhh, yes that feel familiar. Now, Run!
Carter G. Woodson's insights are far reaching; even into the innermost sanctuaries of how an oppressed person relates to themselves and structures their thinking about the world around them.
I can't even dream or imagine new ideas in an academic context unless it's so painful that it burns. "Oh, you've given me a manageable assignment, with a reasonable timeline for completion?" Not to worry, I'll complicate it and start late so that I have sleepless nights, and barely meet the deadline. What? There's no academic whip? Do not worry, I've got one of my own. Believe you me, I know better than anyone how to create the conditions for my failure and then strive from there. Rest assured, I'll suffer.
That is the back door that Woodson spoke of in Miseducation of the Negro. I know "my place" in academic institutions, having been taught by a history of having my thinking met with seething scrutiny and disdain; mocked as mediocre and unexamined opinions which were better left uncontributed. So, "my place" is now to take that role on myself, continually subjecting each and every thought to the harshest criticisms so that the feeble and abused thinking that emerges is more likely to escape scorn and ridicule from others. Prototypical internalized oppression even in how I approach thinking!
God Damn! I'll whip me so that you don't have to. Shit! This stuff runs deep.
It makes me wonder where my mind would be, and how freely my thinking would flow if it weren't continually subjected to a toxicity that is rationalized as a process to make me stronger.
It's certainly why I fully support neighborhood schools, rather than integrated schools. I would much rather see see the conversation framed as how to ensure adequate resources, technology, training, and incentivization are utilized in public schools; not how to take flourishing minds and send them to environments that are hostile to their development as an exercise to "reward" them and enhance their development.
I'm 34 years old, and I can't even write a paper without recreating the toxicity that surrounded me as I learned to think. What's even more haunting is that until this moment, I didn't even realize it.
I've been working hard to relinquish the "perfection" that has a death grip on me, because it's nothing more than a socially acceptable means of referring to the imposition of unattainable standards. And, everyone knows that that's just a lot of words strung together that mean, "oppression."
So, since I have decided to share some of my "naked thinking"; if you happen to come across a misspelled word, a grammatical error, or some other such triviality- move the fuck on, cuz' I really don't need to hear about it. If, however, you are inclined to engage my thinking (agree or disagree), or just feel moved to share some of your own- I would love to see how your brain works, and hear what you have to say.
"When you control a man's thinking you do not have to worry about his actions. You do not have to tell him not to stand here or go yonder. He will find his "proper place" and will stay in it. You do not need to send him to the back door. He will go without being told. In fact, if there is no back door, he will cut one for his special benefit. His education makes it necessary."
-- Dr. Carter G. Woodson, "The Miseducation of the Negro"
So, here is an excerpt from my tortured brain trying to wrap itself around federal budget reform through the lens of chaos theory.
The OYG method is employed in markets with unstable periodicity when multiple factors of influence, particularly those which are beyond the bank’s control, are contributing to the “randomness” of output. In this instance, an administrator would determine which system parameters are within its control, and manipulate them in relation to intended outcomes. OYG is the PBB of chaos theory, in which administrators measure the correlation between their various inputs and intended outcomes; allocating toward an identified goal, while recognizing that many factors, such as economic shifts, changes in executive funding priorities, and fluctuating public preferences will also impact the budget and its outcomes.[1]
DFG assumes endogenous control of outcome fluctuations in continuous systems.[2] At regular intervals, measurements are taken to determine the corrective course of action to be taken, if any. These corrective actions may include increasing or decreasing spending, or allocating dollars to a completely different initiative. PART analysis may be understood as a tool of DFG, as analyses occur at regular periods, and outcomes are measured against program funding levels. Regular feedback across time is an integral component of successful reform within a complex and chaotic system.[3]
I don't know why I made it so hard on myself. Honestly, there was no need for the chaos theory filter, or "hermeneutic" as many people around me once were fond of saying. I think I have this Black Intellectual proclivity to continue to heap conceptual weights upon myself until my poor little brain legs are wobbly and can barely stand- ahhhh, yes that feel familiar. Now, Run!
Carter G. Woodson's insights are far reaching; even into the innermost sanctuaries of how an oppressed person relates to themselves and structures their thinking about the world around them.
I can't even dream or imagine new ideas in an academic context unless it's so painful that it burns. "Oh, you've given me a manageable assignment, with a reasonable timeline for completion?" Not to worry, I'll complicate it and start late so that I have sleepless nights, and barely meet the deadline. What? There's no academic whip? Do not worry, I've got one of my own. Believe you me, I know better than anyone how to create the conditions for my failure and then strive from there. Rest assured, I'll suffer.
That is the back door that Woodson spoke of in Miseducation of the Negro. I know "my place" in academic institutions, having been taught by a history of having my thinking met with seething scrutiny and disdain; mocked as mediocre and unexamined opinions which were better left uncontributed. So, "my place" is now to take that role on myself, continually subjecting each and every thought to the harshest criticisms so that the feeble and abused thinking that emerges is more likely to escape scorn and ridicule from others. Prototypical internalized oppression even in how I approach thinking!
God Damn! I'll whip me so that you don't have to. Shit! This stuff runs deep.
It makes me wonder where my mind would be, and how freely my thinking would flow if it weren't continually subjected to a toxicity that is rationalized as a process to make me stronger.
It's certainly why I fully support neighborhood schools, rather than integrated schools. I would much rather see see the conversation framed as how to ensure adequate resources, technology, training, and incentivization are utilized in public schools; not how to take flourishing minds and send them to environments that are hostile to their development as an exercise to "reward" them and enhance their development.
I'm 34 years old, and I can't even write a paper without recreating the toxicity that surrounded me as I learned to think. What's even more haunting is that until this moment, I didn't even realize it.
I've been working hard to relinquish the "perfection" that has a death grip on me, because it's nothing more than a socially acceptable means of referring to the imposition of unattainable standards. And, everyone knows that that's just a lot of words strung together that mean, "oppression."
So, since I have decided to share some of my "naked thinking"; if you happen to come across a misspelled word, a grammatical error, or some other such triviality- move the fuck on, cuz' I really don't need to hear about it. If, however, you are inclined to engage my thinking (agree or disagree), or just feel moved to share some of your own- I would love to see how your brain works, and hear what you have to say.
"When you control a man's thinking you do not have to worry about his actions. You do not have to tell him not to stand here or go yonder. He will find his "proper place" and will stay in it. You do not need to send him to the back door. He will go without being told. In fact, if there is no back door, he will cut one for his special benefit. His education makes it necessary."
-- Dr. Carter G. Woodson, "The Miseducation of the Negro"
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