but i think that god's got a sick sense of humor, and when I die I expect to find him laughing."
-- Depeche Mode (circa- when I was in middle school)
I swear to God I'm gonna stop brushing my teeth at work. I swear to God!!!
So, there I am in the bathroom-
-- Depeche Mode (circa- when I was in middle school)
I swear to God I'm gonna stop brushing my teeth at work. I swear to God!!!
So, there I am in the bathroom-
Flossing. (everyone knows that when you are flossing you are at the beginning of your toothbrushing regimen. Floss all the hard to get bits out, and loosen up the plaque under your gums. 2.) Brush it Away. 3.) Scrape all debris, plaque, and bacteria off your tongue. 4.) Rinse with mouthwash. That's what everyone does, right? Yeah, I know...) So, there I am flossing..
When in walks some woman from another department on our floor. I don't know her name, so no need to give her a fake one here. So, she says hello, and makes some small talk, lays down her papers and walks past me to use the bathroom. Of course she pulls down some paper seat covers, but I'm not phased by that anymore, all the women on my floor like to sit on the seat rather than hoover slightly- so, no big deal.
But then there's the silence. Long silence. And wait a minute… is that the smell of shit? You know what? I'm in a bathroom- I'm grossed out by germs. I',m probably making this up in my mind. I'm such a hypochondriac. So, I keep brushing away. What was that sound? Plop? Was that a fucking plop?!?!? Are you plopping in there lady? Goddamn!! Then a flush- and then more of the plopping, and yes that was the smell of shit.
Okay- fuck ya'll! All ya'll I'm-so-comfortable-with myself-that-I'll take-a-shit-with-someone-I-don't-even-know-standing-5-feet-away people. Fuck ya'll!!!
This is the third time this has happened at work. Work! People who work on my floor and make small talk with me!! Work!!
So- I shut down the teeth brushing, and moved to another floor. I saw one of my friends and he asked me what the hell I was doing on his floor with all my toiletries in my hand. So, I told him the story, and asked him if guys would feel comfortable doing some shit like that. He laughed and told me "no". So, as I lay-in to my "A Plopping Shit!" diatribe, guess who walks off the elevator? You got it. So, we laugh.
20 seconds later? The last woman who took a grunting shit. 30 second later? The first offender!!!
God? Universe? First Source? Goddess? Whatever, whomever, however. God has a sense of humor, and sometimes all I can do is laugh.
But then there's the silence. Long silence. And wait a minute… is that the smell of shit? You know what? I'm in a bathroom- I'm grossed out by germs. I',m probably making this up in my mind. I'm such a hypochondriac. So, I keep brushing away. What was that sound? Plop? Was that a fucking plop?!?!? Are you plopping in there lady? Goddamn!! Then a flush- and then more of the plopping, and yes that was the smell of shit.
Okay- fuck ya'll! All ya'll I'm-so-comfortable-with myself-that-I'll take-a-shit-with-someone-I-don't-even-know-standing-5-feet-away people. Fuck ya'll!!!
This is the third time this has happened at work. Work! People who work on my floor and make small talk with me!! Work!!
So- I shut down the teeth brushing, and moved to another floor. I saw one of my friends and he asked me what the hell I was doing on his floor with all my toiletries in my hand. So, I told him the story, and asked him if guys would feel comfortable doing some shit like that. He laughed and told me "no". So, as I lay-in to my "A Plopping Shit!" diatribe, guess who walks off the elevator? You got it. So, we laugh.
20 seconds later? The last woman who took a grunting shit. 30 second later? The first offender!!!
God? Universe? First Source? Goddess? Whatever, whomever, however. God has a sense of humor, and sometimes all I can do is laugh.
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