Whats The Sound of Middle-Class?

OMG! Really!?!

Really, lady? Really?

I'm on the plane. I just boarded, and I'm on my way home. It's late. I'm tired. And, I have all of my sleeping supplies in place.

Travel pillow? -check-
Hoodie? -check-
Skull cap that covers my eyes? -check-
Window seat with a wall to sleep on? -And...check!-

Just as I start to slip off into the world of regenerative sleep I hear it, the sound of middle class.

What does middle-class sound like?

I suppose that it could sound like lots of things, but right now there is a little white boy sitting next to me, maybe 3 years old. No big whoop. I can sleep next to little white boys.

But! Who's that on the other side of him? Oh! It's his mother!
And, what's in her hand rousing me from my slumber? Awwww... It's a Clifford the Big Red Dog book! How cute is that? Honestly, not very.

It's late I'm tired, and she's got the reading light on with a fucking children's book in her hands.

She's reading books to her son, and I swear to Christ that she sounds just like that curly-haired white lady who used be the voice for Lamb Chop on Saturday mornings!

All of the light and "fun" intonations and inflections of a mother reading to her child are sitting next to me. Now she's reading a Dora the Explorer book with full-on Anglo accents for all of the Spanish words. AND!!! Pausing for her son to answer the questions.

She's got a great voice for reading to kids or a Saturday morning cartoon character. She would be phenomenal! At 9:00 at night, however, when I all I want is to go to sleep... I just want to roll over on my side, kick her in the throat, and then roll back to go to sleep.

It's not Saturday morning. I'm not watching cartoons. Lady, kindly shut the fuck up. Please and thank you.

I've never thought about the sound of middle-class before. But, there it is, being emitted from her larynx.

It's that white woman high-pitched sing-songy shit. Why do they talk like that to their kids? Really.

Lots of high-pitched exaggerated tone whispers. I don't give a shit what you do in the privacy of your own home; honestly, I don't. Hell, I don't care what you do at the park, or the zoo, or the bring your mom to school so she can tell us what she does for a living day. Couldn't give a shit.

But, sitting next to me on a flight when I'm all decked out to go to sleep (I even brought sleeping supplies!) Kindly shut the fuck up. I mean he's 3! Shouldn't he be reading to himself by now!?!?!? Give him a coloring book, a PSP, teach him to make shadow puppets, play sign-language games, killer wink... Just shut the fuck up!

Next time- ear plugs.