Ich hat 8 jahre in Deustchland gewohnen. Warum spreche ich Deutsch nicht? Scheiße!!!


This blog is a space where I've given myself permission to express my thoughts as they come to me without the pressure to clean them up, or translate them for anyone's benefit; just my naked thinking showing up as text on screen. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes poignant, sometimes absurd; kinda like me.

Three things you need to keep in mind as you read my posts:

1.) I have extremely sexy eyebrows.
2.) I didn't handpick all of those videos to the right. I love Adam Curtis, and this was my YouTube compromise.
3.) I like semicolons; I think they're fun!

Sunday, August 3, 2008

I Like to Drink Water.


I was talking on the phone last night. So, phone in one hand. Phone in my dominant, right hand to be precise, leaving my non-dominant, nearly feeble, dexterity of a 3-year old left hand as my primary tool to negotiate any problems/needs that should arise.

Trusty Lefty. Sometimes she takes on more than she can manage though...

So, there in the hotel room, chatting on the phone, chugging water, and relying on my left hand.

Looks like a bathroom story coming, huh?

So, I finish my bottle of water, and I'm still thirsty. No worries, just grab another bottle and chug away. But soft! What hand do we have free to stabilize and open that bottle? Trusty Lefty!

So, trusty grabs the bottle, and tries to stabilize it between my knees. No haps.

Thighs it is.

Bottle between the thighs, left hand applying pressure, water on the way!

I open the bottle, and somewhere between all of these calculations that Trusty has to make which Reliable (Righty) makes on autopilot, the water comes out the top of the bottle. Where? Right into my lap.

Looks like I peed on myself. Ha Ha Ha!

Hey! Where's my toothbrush? Really, where's my toothbrush? The only pants I have are dirty, or dress slacks wrinkled beyond belief! And, I have to go buy a toothbrush!

Ha ha, hell!

So, looking like "an accident" in my heather gray sweats, I hopped in my car and drove to the nearest gas station, and bought a tooth brush.

Oddly, it didn't feel wet at all. I guess pee pee is wet in your pants because it comes from the inside? Water doesn't actually have to soak all the way through.

What's the upside to spilling a pee-stain of water in your crotch? If you catch it fast enough, you can be dry as flour on the inside.

Tight work, Lefty!

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