Yup. I do them. I need to learn to stop, and CLEARLY I have some shit to work out on my end, but I will go out on a date with you, knowing that I don't like you simply because it's rude to say no, and I don't want you to feel bad about yourself.
Pity dates. Who wins with this dumb shit?
I blame my mom. (She takes the blame for so much bullshit. ...probably because so much of what's wrong in my life is her fault. Huh. I guess it makes sense then.) So, I blame my mom for all of those years of "be nice!" training which came with dire consequences for me if I wasn't nice. It seems kinda absurd now that I think about it. How do you terrorize little kinds into being nice? Isn't that what you're doing when you threaten to punish kids if they aren't "nice"?
Pity dates. Who wins with this dumb shit?
I blame my mom. (She takes the blame for so much bullshit. ...probably because so much of what's wrong in my life is her fault. Huh. I guess it makes sense then.) So, I blame my mom for all of those years of "be nice!" training which came with dire consequences for me if I wasn't nice. It seems kinda absurd now that I think about it. How do you terrorize little kinds into being nice? Isn't that what you're doing when you threaten to punish kids if they aren't "nice"?
Sounds kinda ironical.
Why was I suppose to be nice? Because people will feel bad about themselves if I'm not. Uhm. Horseshit! But, it's all entrenched in there, from way back when I was three years old.
So, because of my mom, from time to time I go on pity dates, which feel like an obligation, but to whom am I obliged? My mom in 1973? These women who get to endure an evening of me "being nice" and then not understanding why I am not at all interested in them? Who wins with this shit I ask you, really? It's dumb.
I say, be genuine. Let people know where you stand, and where they stand with you. You don't have to say, "uhm, I would except that you have yellow teeth." You can just say, "I'm flattered, but no thank you." And, if they press the issue then they are asking to be told it's because of their yellow teeth.
So, I had a date recently. I wasn't digging on her like I expected, but she kept asking me things about where I lived, and if I had housemates, etc. So, at the end of our drinks I walked down to pay, and I don't think I realized it at the time, but I must have walked way out in front of her, because I forgot that she was with me until the server handed me back my credit card, and SUDDENLY she was right there in my face! It was a little jarring.
So, we walked out, and she did that slight lingering thing. It was jarring, so I gave her a hug, said goodnight, and walked to my car.
We were in the middle of an interesting conversation when we got up to leave. I just didn't want to bring her back to my place.
So, I got home, and remembered that she told me she may not be doing anything at all tonight, and she kept asking me where I lived, and if I had roommates, and that she knew that part of town, and that I'm leaving soon, and... and my terror-enforced niceness kicked into gear.
I called her and told her that I just realized that things ended rather abruptly, so I wanted to say that I hope she has a good night and maybe we can see each other before I leave town.
Why did I call her? Because I thought it would probably be easier on her if she got to be the one who didn't call me before I left town, rather than being on the abrupt end and no call side of the stick. There may have in fact been some mutuality by the end of the night. But, pity won the day: "You don't want to hurt her feelings. Let her be the one who doesn't call you, rather than you not calling her. Be nice."
This shit is fucking dumb.
Why was I suppose to be nice? Because people will feel bad about themselves if I'm not. Uhm. Horseshit! But, it's all entrenched in there, from way back when I was three years old.
So, because of my mom, from time to time I go on pity dates, which feel like an obligation, but to whom am I obliged? My mom in 1973? These women who get to endure an evening of me "being nice" and then not understanding why I am not at all interested in them? Who wins with this shit I ask you, really? It's dumb.
I say, be genuine. Let people know where you stand, and where they stand with you. You don't have to say, "uhm, I would except that you have yellow teeth." You can just say, "I'm flattered, but no thank you." And, if they press the issue then they are asking to be told it's because of their yellow teeth.
So, I had a date recently. I wasn't digging on her like I expected, but she kept asking me things about where I lived, and if I had housemates, etc. So, at the end of our drinks I walked down to pay, and I don't think I realized it at the time, but I must have walked way out in front of her, because I forgot that she was with me until the server handed me back my credit card, and SUDDENLY she was right there in my face! It was a little jarring.
So, we walked out, and she did that slight lingering thing. It was jarring, so I gave her a hug, said goodnight, and walked to my car.
We were in the middle of an interesting conversation when we got up to leave. I just didn't want to bring her back to my place.
So, I got home, and remembered that she told me she may not be doing anything at all tonight, and she kept asking me where I lived, and if I had roommates, and that she knew that part of town, and that I'm leaving soon, and... and my terror-enforced niceness kicked into gear.
I called her and told her that I just realized that things ended rather abruptly, so I wanted to say that I hope she has a good night and maybe we can see each other before I leave town.
Why did I call her? Because I thought it would probably be easier on her if she got to be the one who didn't call me before I left town, rather than being on the abrupt end and no call side of the stick. There may have in fact been some mutuality by the end of the night. But, pity won the day: "You don't want to hurt her feelings. Let her be the one who doesn't call you, rather than you not calling her. Be nice."
This shit is fucking dumb.
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