He's Got Game

I've listened to this call three or four times.



I had a strange encounter with a guy in a coffee shop a few months ago, and it made me think about Neil Strauss' book on pick up artists, so a few weeks later I saw the book in a bookstore, picked it up and read it.

Turns out to be a fairly good read. What I found most interesting, and there was a lot that was intriguing in the book, was that there wasn't actually anything that was magic or secret. It was like a well-kept weight loss program that actually got you to exercise and eat healthy well portioned meals.

The "secret" of The Game is that you need to figure out what it takes for you to accept that you are someone that other people would be interested in, and that other people are neither doing you a favor, nor acting out of pity, when they are engaging you; even when fear and insecurities scream to the contrary inside your head. And, once you are convinced of this, you actually teach people how to treat you and they follow your lead. Strauss offeres that a person's idealized self eats well, exercizes, is well groomed, is confident, and has interesting things to say, but none of these things are necessary for romantic success; it's just easier to believe in yourself when you do them. If you believe in yourself, truly, by being condescending, dominating, arrogant, and kindof a prick, these are all options that have worked for folks too.

The book frames it as, once you learn these techniques, other people will be drawn to and desire you, and you can have as much sex as you want, but I think that the insights of the book extend beyond sexual access.

It's a book that chronicles the experiences of men who are so beat down by their expectations that no one would find them worthy of interest that they are willing to spend thousands of dollars just to learn how to approach, talk to, and maybe one day kiss a woman. And waaaaayyy far off in the distant realm of possibility, they may be, just maybe, able to have sex with a beautiful woman. And, these men are transformed into hyper-confident, hyper-sexed, surprisingly successful pick-up artists. And, for some it spills over into success in other arenas of their lives.

Now, the book doesn't say this explicitly, but the recurrent theme seems to be, "What's it going to take to get you to believe in yourself?" And, until you get there, here are some tricks and a few gimmicks to get you over the hump. But, it's like those after school specials where someone gives a kid a "magic rock" to help them deal with some life struggle that they can't fathom being able to overcome, only to learn that it was just a regular rock the whole time, and all they needed to do was believe in themselves. Same shit.

Here are some tricks and gimmicks to help posture you as someone who believes in themselves. Try it out, find out that they work, and build up your self-confidence to the point that it is your expectation that of course people would be interested in you; talking with you, kissing you, sexing you, dating you, whatever.

Now, there were lots of strange things that the book explored and highlighted, and one of the most curious to me was the person midway through the "transformation", who would rely on the magic of the rock, but was still filled with ire and bitterness or just a self-deprecating awkwardness and insecurity that repelled people; a gangly adolescent hybrid that just looked awkward and uncomfortable, maybe even pained. That's what this call reminded me of. It sounds like this guy is trying to appropriate some of the tools of a pick up artist, but all of it is filtered through his bitterness and rage, and he just comes across as aggressive and desperate.

Today, he sounds rather pathetic, and you kinda want to run away and warn your daughters about what to look for and what to avoid when she meets men. But, with just a little work, Dimitri could be rather smooth and successful with the ladies. And that is a sobering thought that can make your spine tingle after you're done laughing at him and his flailing social skills.

Oh! I almost forgot. My favorite part of the call is when he passive-aggressively suggests that she look up "passive-aggressive personality disorder", particularly since his whole message is a big passive-aggressive stunt. It sounds like he wants to say, "Bitch! Why didn't you call me!?!" But, really, he wants to say, "It hurts that you didn't call me."

It's fine to have feelings, it's the shit that he's doing because of them that fucking inappropriate. And, in all seriousness, he's not that far off from being able to have good game. Not very far off at all, and that's what really disturbs me.