Ich hat 8 jahre in Deustchland gewohnen. Warum spreche ich Deutsch nicht? Scheiße!!!


This blog is a space where I've given myself permission to express my thoughts as they come to me without the pressure to clean them up, or translate them for anyone's benefit; just my naked thinking showing up as text on screen. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes poignant, sometimes absurd; kinda like me.

Three things you need to keep in mind as you read my posts:

1.) I have extremely sexy eyebrows.
2.) I didn't handpick all of those videos to the right. I love Adam Curtis, and this was my YouTube compromise.
3.) I like semicolons; I think they're fun!

Monday, July 28, 2008

A Penske Truck, an Overhang, and Some Tarp!


Rented my moving truck the other day. Okay, first off, who's the fucking genius that designed a truck that only gets 5 mpg? Thanks for that piece of mechanical engineering Ford! (I was thinking that calling someone Ford would be the mechanical engineering equivalent of calling someone Einstein, but then I remembered that the truck was indeed produced by Ford Motor Company. I guess that makes it a pun. Pun may be a stretch. It certainly makes me clever though. Not budging on that one.)

So, a few suggestions.

Suggestion 1: Hows about you make the cab in your truck the same height as the top of the cargo box? That way I won't rent your truck and think that I have clearance through an overhang, when I CLEARLY don't. Hows about that for starters?

Suggestion 2: Hows about some steel reinforced corners, so that when I hit concrete at 7 miles per hour I don't bust a hole in the top of the truck?

Suggestion 3: Hows about youse guys construct of a material other than fiberglass so that when I bust a hole in the roof, and God gets his giggles by opening up the sky with a torrential downpour 15 minutes later, I have something that I can nail a tarp to in order to hold it in place and protect my things?

Suggestion 4: Hows about youse guys develop a lever that doesn't get jammed open, and then jammed closed every time you move it from one position to the next? Howsabout that? Big up on the not automatically locking when the door falls! I thought we were locked in the truck when we put the tarp up!

Suggestion 5: Would it be too much to ask for you to put some extra space in the cab behind the seats? You could put a bed back there and a mini fridge, and satellite cable, a broadband wireless router for internet. You know, just the basics. At a minimum, how about enough room for the seats to recline, seriously. I looked like a quadriplegic falling asleep sitting bolt upright. Not cool.

Suggestion 6: Why don't you just install a lock on the truck? It has a lever and all that other stuff. Why not just add a lock to this whole contraption, OR construct your lever so that any reasonable lock would fit, and I wouldn't have to go back to Target to get a second lock. (Also, it would be helpful if one of the mechanical engineers spoke to the Penske folks and instructed them to carry locks!! Then I wouldn't even have to go to Target!)

My poor mom! She decided to ride with me for my move and hang out for a few days to help me transition. Who knew that fateful day when a little tiny egg dropped down her fallopian tube that she would be sprinting through parking lots in the rain, carrying heavy-ass boxes up stairs, holding a tarp while someone tried to hammer into fiberglass, cleaning out a toilet on her hands and knees, washing windows, cleaning out cabinets, assembling IKEA furniture, and dealing with the crankiness of a 33 year old adolescent? That poor woman! That's big love.

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