Why Yes, Thank You. They Are Contacts!

I have brown eyes. Regular, normal, run of the mill, right smack dab in the middle of an African-American phenotype- brown eyes.

I don't wear contacts, (Oh, Susan, I know that I told you in an e-mail that I wear contacts. That was a joke. I have 20/15 vision. If you're not Susan, this will not make any sense to you. And, you will have a hard time coming up with a context wherein telling someone that you wear contacts when you don't is funny. Don't bother. I'm pretty good at wrangling humor, and it was actually a stretch.) never wore contacts. Just eyes.

I had a strange day today. I fell into a light coma after my ride. In fact, I slept so long that I missed my friend's wedding. (Sorry about that K! I feel really bad. It was good sleep though, if that makes you feel better.) Even though I missed the wedding, I figured that at least I could get a haircut before hitting the reception.

My normal hair cutter was out for the day, ironically, because he was photographing a wedding, but the other guy was there. Now, I just needed a quick haircut, and he asked me to stick around and told me he would cut my hair. I ran to grab some cash and came back. Now, there was a long ass line of folks who'd come in while I was gone to get cash. Am I ahead of them, or are they ahead of me? Obviously, the two of us had a difference of opinion. After an hour of waiting I got up to leave, and he runs after me into the parking lot to waive me down. Why? Why??? Because he wants my phone number! (WTF?!?!?!)

Let's say I wanted to sex you. Let's just say. Uhm, I would give you preferential treatment, right? Uhm, cuz I want to sex you. But at the very least, I would treat you fairly. I wouldn't overlook you for 40 minutes, and then run you down in a parking lot. (Men are silly.)

So, I drive across town to a different shop, and when I sit down in the guy's chair we chat for a bit. Blah, blah, blah. Then he says, "You have incredibly beautiful eyes." Now, just as I'm saying, "Thank you," he says one of the craziest things I've heard since 1986.

"I thought they were contacts, but they're your eyes. They are beautiful."

Now, I don't think I said anything other than, "They're brown," but I thought, "Uhm Negro, my eyes look just like yours, and hers, and his, and everyone else in the the room." I thought about telling him that my eyes are light grey, but I wear brown contacts because more people notice me that way. Yeah, I'm just African-American, but a lot of people think I have ambiguous ethnicity because I have brown eyes. Its a real conversation starter, but honestly it can get tiresome. Sometimes I wish I just had eyes like everyone else. Oh wait- I do.