Remember those jokes when I was in 7th grade? I don't know where you were in life when they hit big, but I was in 7th grade. Also, I was in Germany, so we could be the same age, and they were the hotness in your life when you were in 5th grade. Who knows? So, back when I was in 7th grade and Faces of Death videos were the hotness, grosser than gross jokes hit big.
Faces of Death: The one that sticks with me is where they have a monkey locked in the center of a table, and everyone sitting down for a meal of monkey's brains has a mallet and they just keep lightly bludgeoning the monkey to death. That one traumatized me. The one where the guy videos his friend getting mauled by a bear, or the guy who bounces off the ground when his parachute doesn't open- whatever. That monkey? The brutality of it sticks with me.
So, back then Grosser Than Gross jokes were the shit! They were always about some kind of bodily fluid, something sexual, some faces of death type gore, or a mixture of all three. I only remember two punchlines.
What's grosser than gross? Getting a boner and running out of skin.
What's grosser than that? Finishing of the jar of mayonnaise and finding a condom in it.
Not funny, mostly adolescent/sophomoric humor, but what happened to me today reminded me of the grosser than gross jokes from back when I was in 7th grade. Here's what I wrote earlier today while I was at work.
Alright. Today, I have my period. It happens. Whatever. But, I just came from the bathroom where I went to pee. Time for a new tampon. Took it out, dropped it in the toilet. -PLOP!-
Faces of Death: The one that sticks with me is where they have a monkey locked in the center of a table, and everyone sitting down for a meal of monkey's brains has a mallet and they just keep lightly bludgeoning the monkey to death. That one traumatized me. The one where the guy videos his friend getting mauled by a bear, or the guy who bounces off the ground when his parachute doesn't open- whatever. That monkey? The brutality of it sticks with me.
So, back then Grosser Than Gross jokes were the shit! They were always about some kind of bodily fluid, something sexual, some faces of death type gore, or a mixture of all three. I only remember two punchlines.
What's grosser than gross? Getting a boner and running out of skin.
What's grosser than that? Finishing of the jar of mayonnaise and finding a condom in it.
Not funny, mostly adolescent/sophomoric humor, but what happened to me today reminded me of the grosser than gross jokes from back when I was in 7th grade. Here's what I wrote earlier today while I was at work.
Alright. Today, I have my period. It happens. Whatever. But, I just came from the bathroom where I went to pee. Time for a new tampon. Took it out, dropped it in the toilet. -PLOP!-
"Wow! That was a big-ass splash! I bet there's water all over the fucking floor..."
I looked, and there was nothing. Noticed that my ass didn't feel wet, so, I guess the water just plopped straight up into the air and back down into the bowl. Pretty cool.
So, I finish up, and pull up my pants. What the fuck!?!?!?
My left pant-leg is wet. All the way down to the ankle ON THE INSIDE!!!! my left pant-leg is wet! That whole stream of pissy-tampon toilet-bowel water went straight down my pant-leg.
Oh, and, since my pants are lined, the water didn't stop and get absorbed at the point of entry- oh no. I have pissy tampon toilet bowel water from my hip to my ankle.
Why does this happen on the day I carved out time to "pretend" to work o that I could finish my exam that's due today? I don't have time to go home and shower. I'm already staving off deadlines!!!
This is so fucking gross. I wanna throw up.
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