FUCK YOU IKEA! FUCK YOU!
Yes, you, with your no word picture diagrams that make you think that the fucking holes on your furniture line up, but you don't know until you're done that they don't and you have no idea why shit isn't working so the only thing to do is grab a hammer and smack the fuck out of it.
Ikea, fuck you.
Fuck your little associates and their yellow shirts who tell you things like, "Oh you should be able to put this bookshelf together in 15 minutes." Really? Really Ikea associate!?! You make me think of words that I never say, like "fucktard" for instance! No, it will not take you 15 minutes, you will want to drink, you will decide that you are giving it away more than once during the building phase, you will do your best to bend solid wood to your will, and once it's done you will still notice all of the places that it doesn't completely line up.
Ikea, FUCK YOU!!
Fuck you like Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm, "FUCK HUGH, IKEA!"
Fuck you for not being honest and saying, "listen, really listen. Just pay the extra $300, this isn't worth the hassle. Now if you still want to risk it, then don't say we didn't warn you." Fuck you, Ikea for not making that your slogan!
My shelf looks nice though.
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